There won't be much decor text today-just a little "PINK Christmas Picture Party"!
BUT, before we get started, I wanted to touch base. After yesterday's post, I received a few emails. Most were extremely uplifting and were exactly what I needed to hear right now, but some readers misunderstood what I was trying to convey. I will address you each personally, but I wanted to shed some light on it tonight. I am generally a "glass half full" kind of girl. I am generally happy. I do not expose my son to hostility or have heated phone discussions with my spouse while he is present. His character will not be tarnished by the ugly happenings in our lives. THAT I will be sure of. Rest assured that my baby will be alright.
Now, does that mean I don't occasionally fall off the rocker and have a bad day? Of course not! I'm human. I am not perfect, and I am navigating this separation and divorce the best way I can at any given moment. Is my intention ever to completely bash Ryan? No. Does he deserve it sometimes? Probably, but I don't have to lie or exaggerate for the situation to sound bad. I speak the truth. It is what it is, and the facts alone are horrible. It is THAT bad.
For the reader who "knows" I don't want to admit that it takes two to destroy a marriage, I will say this. I have read A LOT on cheating and surviving infidelity. I have read A LOT on reconciliation after infidelity, the success rates, the typical grieving stages, etc. While it is true that a marriage takes TWO, that goes right out the window the moment one of those people decides to break the marriage vow.
Was I the one who stood up for myself and decided to end the marriage and kick him out? Hell, yes! So if that is my part in "destroying this marriage", then I take full accountability for that, but only that fact alone! There is NEVER an excuse for cheating. EVER. There is nothing I could have done or said that would excuse his behavior, and let's be honest here, my husband was never faithful. His cheating goes back to our dating days, and he stood before our entire families and made a vow that was already meaningless. I entered this marriage with false pretenses, and as soon as I discovered the truth, I took action! I made the choice to consider reconciliation, and I gave it every effort in my being. HE is the one who failed our marriage. He is the one who went back to the same destructive behavior, so I will not take some of the pressure off him and and absorb ANY of that blame. I would be doing a disservice to myself and my scorned readers. In a cheating situation, it does not take two to destroy a marriage. If you have been cheated on, and you took even an ounce of that blame, I pity you. You did not deserve it.
Was I the one who stood up for myself and decided to end the marriage and kick him out? Hell, yes! So if that is my part in "destroying this marriage", then I take full accountability for that, but only that fact alone! There is NEVER an excuse for cheating. EVER. There is nothing I could have done or said that would excuse his behavior, and let's be honest here, my husband was never faithful. His cheating goes back to our dating days, and he stood before our entire families and made a vow that was already meaningless. I entered this marriage with false pretenses, and as soon as I discovered the truth, I took action! I made the choice to consider reconciliation, and I gave it every effort in my being. HE is the one who failed our marriage. He is the one who went back to the same destructive behavior, so I will not take some of the pressure off him and and absorb ANY of that blame. I would be doing a disservice to myself and my scorned readers. In a cheating situation, it does not take two to destroy a marriage. If you have been cheated on, and you took even an ounce of that blame, I pity you. You did not deserve it.
So, with all of that being said, know this. I am ok. I do have a sense of humor, and I will be periodically discussing what is happening in my personal life. I do not say anything here that I wouldn't say to his face. I am using these posts in my blog as a sort of diary. I want to look back and remember exactly what I was feeling at rock bottom, so that when I climb back to the top, I will forever be grateful for this journey. I am seeing a counselor-for myself and for Preston-to make sense of it all and to calm my soul. I pray every day that Ryan will make good choices and seek help too, but we cannot control others. We can only control our own thoughts and our own actions.
I realize that I am VERY lucky to have both of my parent's help and support. I thank God every day for them, and I thank them constantly. I do not take them for granted. Not for one second. They are a constant in Preston's life, and I am very grateful for that.
Here's what I'm calling my anthem. I play it daily. It often makes me smile, it evokes tears and it gives me hope. I connect with this song on a deeper level than I have ever connected with any song, and I'm not typically a music girl. I couldn't tell you who sang what or what something's called. Music doesn't normally speak to me...Ironically, Sugarland uploaded this song on my birthday. Weird.
Alright! Let's put the tissues away and dive into the decor of the day! Shall we?
No, Blue Christmas around my house {probably not PINK either}, but you get the drift!
Who knew a PINK Christmas could be so elegant and well done?! Who's inspired now to bust out the totes of decorations and get started on making a few new ones?
I'm appalled to read that someone would challenge your decision to boot Ryan out! I have not known a relationship that was completely successful and trusting in which wife or husband had cheated. There is always that question in your mind...forever! Appalling...appalling...appalling...for anyone that actually knows Miss Crystal, we know she is not a quitter and did her best, he would have been gone the first time if it was me so kudos for trying to make it work!!!
ReplyDeleteErin
ReplyDeletethe worst part about the internet is that the tone of voice and facial expressions are lost and the intent is misunderstood. My comments were made with the intent of hoping you feel better and offering you advice on your son since sometimes a third eye is needed in these cases.
Of course you are angry and should be and that was my point...no matter how hard you try sometimes that anger comes across to young children as they are SO perceptive.
I do not know what it feels like to be cheated on and was not referring to that since I had no idea that was the reason for the divorce. I know because I have kids and I have been divorced and my parents were divorced so, like half the married people in this country, I understand and have survived it and that was the message I was trying to pass on.
I am very sorry that you misunderstood and took it the wrong way and that it appears to h ave turned your bad day into an even worse day. I hope this clears things up...
Noticed my comment was not published so cannot really care on a dialogue so hope you receive this.
Hi Annonymous,
ReplyDeleteTrust that it was not just you who mistook what I said. I understand that tone can be off and without body language to help us, our communication gage can be off! I honestly wasn't sure if you had been cheated on, and I wanted YOU to know that if you believed any of it was your fault, or that you "destroyed" anything, it just wasn't the case in a cheating scenario! Of course, this blog is made up of my opinion, and I know I am not going to always please everyone. I acknowledge that I will, on occassion, have a few readers who don't get my point, or me, or agree with any of it! I guess that's the price we pay when we go live! No worries. You personally did not add to my no good, horrible day! Please, come back. This really is a safe place!