Wednesday, July 25, 2012

The End of the Road {trip}

I've been a little MIA lately {here and on Facebook}, and I'm sorry. As usual, life has gotten away from me, and I feel like I've been in a constant state of RUSHING. I am most definitely ruled by the clock, but I'm sure all working mommies feel this way.

Between being a single parent, my day job {but it's mostly an evening job}, filling Etsy orders, cleaning the house, paying bills, yard work, yada yada yada, I don't have much time for blogging-let alone time to create the projects to actually blog about.

Most days, I feel accomplished if I get the dishes washed {no dishwasher} and Preston dressed before I have to leave for work. Then, there's the 40 minute drive to work! That drive is usually the only break I get all day though, so I'm kinda grateful for it. Life was a lot different when I knew there would be an extra set of hands coming through the door at five pm to take on some of the stress and duties. Jeez! Back then, my biggest daily worry was what to make for dinner...

On top of that, my divorce should be final in the next month, and I guess I've been in a bit of a funk. I might even call it a slight depression. It's so hard to describe my exact feelings about it all, but I promised when I shared the initial news that I was going to be as honest {blunt} as possible about this process.

I will be relieved to finally be legally free from the person who has hurt me beyond belief. I don't miss him in any way. He made that part easy. I also refused to ever waste a moment pining over someone who obviously never really loved me in the first place. I'll also add that isn't an issue either, because in order for me to tell him our marriage was over I knew there was no chance of reconciliation. At that point, there was nothing left inside me for him.

It's honestly just a mix of emotions as this year from hell comes to an end.

On one hand, I'm very proud of myself for making it through, in one piece, and having a happy and well adjusting child to show for it. On the other hand, I'm exhausted from carrying the burden of it all on my own and trying to scramble to figure out how I was going to maintain our lifestyle on one income. We've settled in, and I'm finally accepting that this is how our life is going to be from here on out. Am I exactly where I'd hoped I would be at this point? No way, but I'm slowly accepting that's alright too. One day at a time. One day at a time. Say it with me!

One day at a time.

I'm mostly sad for my son. He really is going to be a statistic and come from a broken home. His "daddy" moved out of state almost eight months ago, and he hasn't seen him since. Preston's dad has almost been out of our lives for HALF of his little life. He will have no memories of him soon, and that breaks my heart. I worry a lot about the years to come. Those years where understanding truly takes shape and the questions begin. I role play in my mind and wonder exactly what I'll say to that curious little face. I so desperately want to shield him from as much heartbreak as possible.

Today, his dad sent him a package in the mail. It probably was about time since he never got a birthday gift or anything for Easter, and Preston was ecstatic to open the box and play with his new trucks. I stood back and smiled, and then it occurred to me. He's TWO. Soon, a package in the mail won't be enough to fill the massive void his father's absence will cause. The saying is true.

You can't buy love...

I took this photo on a recent family day trip to Jefferson, South Carolina, and I edited it in Instagram. It's given me a lot of comfort lately.

Here's a few more images from that trip.

Aren't those tubs awesome? It was just a graveyard of claw foots in front {and beside} of an old house alongside the road. There must have been hundreds of them. I freaked and made my dad pull over so I could capture it.

We went to one of the most delightful stores I've ever seen downtown. The store was jam packed with vintage toys, and the shop keeper let us touch and play with everything. It was fun to take a walk down memory lane.

This little roadside gem was literally inches from the winding mountain road. I scored a medicine cabinet for just $5 here. Look for that, if I ever get the bathroom done!

I'll leave you with a picture of Preston. Papa came out of a gas station with this little surprise. It probably wasn't the best idea to have his first push pop strapped in the backseat! He loved it though...

Crystal xoxo


  1. Great pics! I love reading your blog!

  2. Crystal, thanks for sharing your heartfelt journey....I hope and pray it helps YOU to do so. You are a sweet and devoted mommy and I know things will be easier for you and Preston one day! One day at a time....

  3. I used to say..."one foot in front of the other"...every day gets easier as the journey continues...